I was not gonna write of that topic but then I felt I should cause I realised I have much to say about this.
I don’t think there is very many woman who never experienced any kind of sexual harassment. I have since I was very young girl, under 18. It have been touching, grabbing, even kissing without my permission. Once when I was just kid (maybe 10 years or something) some man in lift where acting weard. He was asking have I ever saw a penis and do I want to see his. I was really scared but luckily I got away of that lift before anything happened.
Somehow I always thought I have cope on the verge (I have never really been raped) but now when I really think about it after listing all this, I don’t know. Is this meaning cope on the verge? Quite alarming thought to think like that only because you haven’t been raped. Like everything else would be acceptable. No, it isn’t! Still, it’s true, I have been kind of lucky. At young I were many times at afterparty with my friends and nothing really bad ever happened…Luckily!
Well, I don’t wanna say more of that. Just telling that I have my own experiences…
The biggest problem specially in Finland is that men are so shy that they don’t know how to talk to girls before they drink. Then when they drink, they will make overreactions. They will become pigs. They’re touching and imply and no woman will be interested…
Anyway, I think men are ment to be more like animals (whether they drink, or not) so that we will reproduce. Obviously men have been given the task to take care of that. That’s why they’re (or many of them, don’t want to blame all men) acting like they are and I’m not saying, it would make their bad behaviour more acceptable but it’s still quite natural explanation for it. Just in case (that women don’t get so mad to me) I have to say, sure there’s also women who love sex very much but atleast I don’t know many of them. Please do correct if you think I’m wrong!
These next sentences can get some women angry but this is how I see it…If you really want to be left alone and minimum the risk of wrong kind of attitude, you shouldn’t dress too sexy. Men are men, you can never change it. It’s their hormones. How do you fight against hormones? There’s no way! It’s better just play with their rules…or suffer, you decide it!
It’s the same if you drop sausage in front of the dog and say: ”Don’t eat it”. Maybe some really good trained dogs believe you (men too 😉) but I guarantee most of those don’t. They will eat it. (Those who don’t eat it still feel strong temptation to do that and wonder why they can’t eat so delicious looking sausage). It’s the same with men. They’re simple. If there’s very sexy woman, it’s they’re instinct to atleast watch. Like dogs instinct tells it to eat sausage.
If you wanna be very sexy with tiny dresses and shirts, be my guest but you have to be prepared (if not accept it, atleast be mindful of where it can lead-). If you don’t like that, why would you show yourselves so openly. I don’t mean a nun style just basic good taste. What’s the point to use skirt which is showing everything, or shirt where you’re boobs jump out just ”accidentally”) if you really don’t want to get any sexual attention?
I have my own experience and I’ve seen the dress code is working quite well. When I was young, I went few times to night clubs with miniskirt. Many men where grabbing my as. I didn’t want to use that skirt anymore at those places and they (usually) left me alone. Simple of that.
I can tell you also that beautiful is not the same as sexy. It’s the wrong message to young girls that you should be sexy everytime. Why? For men? I don’t get it. They will get the wrong kind of observation.
There is so much very young girls who copy all celebrities and it’s alarming. Celebrities always put less and less fabric on (I wonder if their clothes are cheaper 😉) and young, even underage girls soon do the same (and also put very sexy pictures of them selves to instagram, facebook, and so on). Then older pervert men can be watching them (and God knows what else). I don’t think they pursue to this. They just want to be admired but it’s not all you get whit too sexy dressing (or acting). There’s also polite man like my spouse but very many men are not like that. That should be learned to girls!
Younger I did also dress more sexier but maybe I have been mens ”target” so many years that I don’t wanna be sexy anymore. I just wanna be smart, beautiful, good looking, feminine and elegant! Isn’t it enough?
By the way, my spouse said he don’t actually know where to look, if there’s woman whose boobs are imposed, so you can also put men to embarrassing situation, specially these days when you should be extra exact so that you don’t get a charge of harassment if you accidentally glance those. So women, if you put those kind of shirts on, then take the gazes also! Don’t accuse men! What if there’s man with tiny shorts? I think many of women will look, right?
So putting the line for harassment is also hard! What is harassment? Some of us are more sensitive than others. Ofcourse you should listening if the other one ask you to stop or watch other marks but it can be dangerous if every talk or polite slaps to shoulder or even to thigh will be reprehensible act. You can accuse other too easily. It will be no good!
On the other hand, rape reprehensible could be raised. Those are too low, atleast in Finland! Rapists cope on the verge, and there’s weard extenuatings like the dressing of victim. Even I have lectured the dressing I don’t mean it gives the right to touch or do anything what woman doesn’t want. It never gives the right anything like that. Impunity belongs for everyone!
There is still lot to learn…and specially men should learn to behave already! Were living in 2018!
It was interesting to read of the attitude in Finland. I think fashion has a lot to answer for, revealing more of a woman’s body than men. If men wore fashion like some female fashion, should they expect to be harassed? Probably not. It is not equality. But men are programmed to mate, and some it is stronger than others, that is the same as in women too. It comes down to respect. Respect for themselves and for the female, or even male in male rape. Respect for others. We have hormonal urges, but it is not okay to always act on them, male or female. It is brave of you to write about this sensitive issue. Well done.
Thank you so much! Nice to have your comment here! You have good points! It took a while that I got the carriage to publish this post but then I thought that the whole idea in blogging is to share your thoughts (even if your protective is little bit different.) This topic was so important to me. So I did it!
I ment perspective not protective…