MY FATHER PASSED AWAY (4.7.)

It was a beautiful spring day, sunrays of sun did fling surface of ice. Hopefully my father watched the sky and tuned his glider.

Father never told anyone that past few years took the forces from him. Didn’t even ask to understand that he only wanted to fly above the blue sky. Father sailed, my missing will stay.

The last fly, so fine, so tender. Balmy winds walked father to voyage. He was free like dragonfly, flight from where he never returned.

Father never had time to tell us what had in his mind. Still I know the everlasting missing. Those feelings I feel too.

Winds carried he for a while. He was free, then keeped a verge of heaven. Suddenly he flyed to the light, to the heaven he went, clouds so white, at least I hope so.

The last fly, so fine, so tender. Balmy winds walked father to voyage. He was free like dragonfly, flight from where he never returned.

The last fly, so fine, so tender. The sun with beams golden memories. He was free like dragonfly. Father flyed with winds away. I think it must be so, my tears will stay. I think it must be so, (must be so). I let it be so.

In my family we had four of us (my 75-year old mom, few years younger dad and big brother who’s 6 years older than me). We have been tight team together but it’s only three of us left anymore. The cancer took my father away so there’s one less of us now. It’s hard to understand that he is gone forever and never comes back.

The nurse called me at thursday morning and said that it’s time to come to see my dad so I went there right after my work. (Luckily I had very short workday and my customer let me go even earlier when she heard that my father is weak). I was so surprised cause the previous day I went to see him, he was ok. He ate sweats like normally and he did read a newspaper like he always did. Then we also met some therapy dog which walked around the hospital. It was so cute black lab!

Next monday my father evacuated to the new nursing home near the hospital cause his life expectancy was longer than the average in that section. A day or two after this he suddenly became weaker. He only slept and didn’t wake up. (That’s what my brother told me). It was the same at thursday when I went to see him. He only slept (or probably was in the catatonic stage already). He was snoring like home (on my childhood). It sounded so familiar, that I couldn’t think that he could be fadeing away (even though I new it). Nurses came periodically and gived morfin to him so he didn’t have any pains. I have been told the previous night my father were suffering a hard pains, so then they beginned to give him morfin.

Everything but sailing is needless, it includes whole life: trough, crest of a wave, storm’s black cloud of cattle, still there is also calm and balmy winds.

Everything but sailing is needless, people like boats oneselves are, always missing distant shore which can carry along, sculptor for your fate.

Everything but sailing is needless, there is the whole humaneness. Like whims of human nature, whispering of wind; there is betrayal, here is friendship.

Everything but sailing is needless, our own image it reflects. Journey begins with white sails, with bellows of thousand winds. Years darken for rigging.

Once you’ll find your way to end of rainbow, it will end the loneliness you’ll had. Once you will be carried to the shore of love and you’ll find your everlasting peace.

 

I left the nursing home after beeing over four hours there. I don’t know why but I was so sure that my dad will make it to tomorrow (or to the night atleast). For a while after when I came home nurse called me and told that my dad did passed away. I new my mom and brother were on their way to the nursing home and I was devastated cause they didn’t have time to see him alive. They actually came there right after it happened.   I didn’t want to call them cause I new they should be there any time and then nurse said she will be waiting them. My mom and brother said goodbye to my dad when they came there.

The next day on the forenoon they already called and asked if I needed the death certificate and they also said we should deside the funeral director. So we must beginning to organize the funeral right away which felt weard. My father passed away last evening and we should be thinking convention arrangements already. It felt unfear but the reason was that he died in nursing home, not in the hospital and they don’t have retention there.

My mom have been quite ok, after the first schock. I was so afraid that she will lost it and will be bad condition soon (she have alzheimer) but like I said she’s been quite ok which is so soothing cause I don’t want to loose her also. I think maybe nurses have gave her sedatives (like my brother asked they could if needed). I said to my mom she should be living to her 100 year birthday. We have so special bond. It’s always been so easy to talk to her, kind of like ”woman to woman”, you know.

My dad (was old fashioned, quite severe man and he) stayed always a little bit distant to me even we were in close contact and I did take care of him till the end of his days.

So it’s funeral again on the 27. july. We will arrange those with closest ones only. The coffer and urn have been choosed already too. The urn is hazel, very beautiful wood urn and the flowers on coffer are white and blue like the colours of the flag of Finland. Those are very beautiful too.

I have only one wish. I wish my father is in better place now where he doesn’t have pains or suffer anymore.

Peace to my fathers soul! We will always remember you as fair and honest father and husband!

4 ajatusta artikkelista “MY FATHER PASSED AWAY (4.7.)

  1. My deep condolences to you and your family, dear Tanssityttö, I am so sorry to hear your father. With your words, I went to my Dad’s last day… I know it is not easy and never will be easy.. But their memories will be always with us and in our hearts and in out thoughts they will live. Love, nia

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