We held my brother’s funeral in a small circle on Saturday, September 11th.

The funeral began with a beautiful and touching song that has become a Finnish classic: ”The Wanderer and the Swan.” The same song was played two years ago at my father’s funeral as well. This was a song from the men in our family. When the organ starts playing I felt a wave of grief strike me.

After that song I dropped the flowers and said my last goodbye with the beautiful text I picked from the Finnish tango.

Priest’s speech was just what I wanted. His speech reminded me of those best memories of my brother, certainly in the minds of all of us.

This beautiful song we sung together in  the funeral.

The touching final play: ”So beautiful is the land.” This was also heard at my father’s funeral.


Even though the day was a day of mourning, I was glad to see our old family friend for a long time at the funeral; Monika, who’s doughter of my godparents -which also helped us with the catering-.

After a brief blessing (and finishing of the serving table) we sat together at the memorial service (which was held on the premises of the church) to chat and remember my brother. We also looked at the photos she brought. I was  in a few photos too as a little girl, wearing ballet slippers from Monika. She once gave me these slippers. In one picture I sit on Monika’s lap, in others I dance ballet. I think I’m about 11 years old in the pictures so the images are exactly 30 years old. My brother was 17-18 at that time. Unbelievable how fast time has passed.


Yesterday I was dropping my brother’s urn to the rest of grave with one family member (from my spouce’s side). I bought two white roses from a florist next to the cemetery and picked up an urn from a small room in the chapel with beautiful flowers and a candle on the table. After a moment of silence, I lifted my brother into my arms. I carried my brother along the cemetery path and thought about our life together. I also wondered how last year my brother and I went to lay down my father’s urn grave. I could not have imagined that he himself would go after our father so soon.

We layed down the urn and flowers and spent a moment at the grave before leaving.

I didn’t take my mother with me because her Alzheimer’s has progressed and she clearly doesn’t understand what happened. She always understands this just the moment I mention it, and immediately forgets. The last time we talked, she clearly supposedly saw my brother somewhere near. It was hard to even talk about my brother’s death when it’s something I wouldn’t want to remind her of…

I have one of my main pillars gone. The one I grew up with and who taught me things. The one who was good for solving problems and always knew how to act. The one who served as an example and a guide for me. Feels pretty empty.

These were my sixth funeral in four and a half years so I hope there are no new funerals coming up in the near future. Recent years have brought far too much grief…I look forward to more light days to come.

I wish you the most beautiful and peaceful journey, dear big brother!

11 ajatusta artikkelista “THE FUNERAL


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