(THE FIRST) FATHER’S DAY WITHOUT FATHER

My dad.

Now as it’s fathers day, the first one without him (for me), I wanted to memorize my father. So there’s photos of my father and also some thoughts and dreams concerning my father’s passing away.

I have now two timelines. The first is the time when my father was still a live. The second is the time when my father was gone. Those two I automatically recognised when my father passed away. I’m using those timelines when I’m memorizing something in the past. (Was my father alive or not.) It’s like demarcation in my life, the demarcation which I didn’t know before.

Kuvaesitys vaatii JavaScriptin.

My dad in the army at 1960’s.

My dad got some medal at job (at 70’s or 80’s).

ELISA (A BAD) MARKETING CAMPAIGN

I got an add to my phone one day. The add was from Elisa operator. It said: ”Have you bought a present to your father already?” I was just thinking that: it’s impossible to me like it’s impossible to all who doesn’t have father anymore (and there are quite many of us I assume). So the question is: why do they do this? Send randomly messages like this without knowing what’s the situation. Do she or he even have father anymore. This is not right way to marketing. This kind of marketing should be done in television only. Not this way. I never liked that kind of marketing, but I think this was the rock bottom. Shame on you, Elisa!

The boat trip to Stockholm in April 1994. We were celebrating of the 50th birthday of my mother. On the left in front of the photo is my dad and behind on the left is (my brothers ex girlfriend,) mother and I in the age of 13 (almost 14).

THE DREAMS!

Before the funeral, my brother saw an interesting dream about my dad. In that dream we were all together at my parents house (my childhood home) with the whole family. My dad was laying in coffer. Suddenly he stood up and he said: ”Don’t you worry, everything is ok. I’m fine!”. Then he walked out of the door. I believe this was the sign. It was the sign what I’ve been waiting for. I’ve been hoping he’s at better place feeling fine and then this dream came to my brother. After that I have been more peaceful cause I know he’s at heaven. That’s what he wanted to come to tell us.

There are guides and one card from my fathers trip to Amsterdam at 1970’s. These I found at daddys cabinet when we were looking for important papers.

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Also I have had dreams of my father. Like one day I saw the dream where we all were at my parents house together -again-. My father was sleeping on his bed while the rest of us where watching tv. Then he woke up and climbed on windowsill where were also a lighting candle. My father did burn his selves on that candle and started to shout. I went to get some water and threw it on my dad. That’s all I remember of that dream but it was really weird!

On the other dream I’ve seen my father we were in our summer cottage and I knew my father have passed away. Nevertheless I saw him on my dream and I was happy. It felt like one of those happy moments I have had in our summer cottage. I think I somehow knew that I was dreaming but it felt quite real.

Senior dance at high school 1999. After we performed old salong dances to our family members, we danced with them. Here is my final dances with my father.

My dad’s 60th birthdayparty (in 2006) at russian restaurant in Helsinki. (Doesn’t he looke still great on that age?!)

The old father’s day card which we gave to our dad years ago. This teddy is so cute!

Fare well my dad and I hope every one have had a happy fathers day. Those of you, who still have a father to celebrate. Remember these moments, cause those won’t last forever. One day those happy moments are gone…

THE FUNERAL

I finally will be posting this post about my fathers funeral which have been waiting of it’s realisation for long time…too long time actually. (By the way, all these beautiful linked songs were played at the funeral).

We spent my fathers funeral with family (and the closest ones) on 27.7. at Töölö church which was his home church. That’s why we wanted to spend the funeral there. We were lucky to make it happend cause the church is very popular. (On the video below you can see how beautiful this church is.)


It’s also my confirmation church…and when I was a little school girl, I was singing on schools choir. We were performing in that church on every school event.

At the same time I was accompanying on church agency. By then we made weekend trips to place called ”Sipuli” (Onion) and always met on church garden where the bus did leave.

So ”Töölö church” is very nostalgic place to me. It has been years without visiting in this church. It was kind of like time trip to me…but not happy one this time…

When I arrived on the church I was thinking me of little girl standing there on the yard of the church. I was thinking my life by then and how happy I was. How everything was (almost) perfect by then. I think I didn’t really realise how perfect it was or could be grateful of that. Sure I couldn’t cause I didn’t know anything else. I didn’t know the other side of the life by then. I was so innocent…

Now it was totally different. Now I was first time in my life blessing one of my family members to the rest of grave. Even it was the day of sadness, the thing which made me happy on that day was all people who came there and who I got to see after a long time.

It was unreal to see the coffer of my father. The white box with blue and white flowers. In some way I didn’t really believe that he’s in there even though I new it. Every familymember had one rose to put on coffer and with that we left goodbye to my dad.

After blessing at coffee service the mood was more relaxed. There was really good strawberry cheesecake and ham sandwich cake which were both made by my brothers girl friend. She likes to bake so she wanted to arrange the service which was great!

Now my father has got his blessing. Life goes on…

My mother don’t always remember that father is gone but it will come to her mind right away when you mention it. It’s these things which I rather would not like to remind her.

I remember one great postcard text:

”sometimes it’s better forget than to remember”.

I agree with that!

”THE LOVE OF LIFE”

This man in the commercial is looking so much like my dad… ”Pelastus armeija” (”The Salvation Army”) is the union which is helping poor and down and out people. The commercial message is: ”Don’t leave anyone alone”. This touching commercial doesn’t need any words. Like they say: ”One picture is telling more than thousand words.” (Or in this case: one video).

Every time I see this commercial I’m thinking of my parents (as you might guessed).

My dad in 2006.

My parents were married almost 50 years since 1969. I think it’s about the same time with the couple on that commercial (looks like 60’s wedding dress). There were different times in my parents marriage. There were also tough times but they stayed together like they promised on the front of the preast: ”In sickness and in health”…and so on…That is something many people forgot in long marriage. They forgot to love. They forgot how to take care of each other. That’s sad.

The whole life lasting love is so rare these days but there are those who still find it like my parents. That have made me believe it’s possible and I hope were on way to our life lasting love with my man. I’m pretty sure we are. Almost 15 years together already…but there is still a way to go…

MY FATHER PASSED AWAY (4.7.)

It was a beautiful spring day, sunrays of sun did fling surface of ice. Hopefully my father watched the sky and tuned his glider.

Father never told anyone that past few years took the forces from him. Didn’t even ask to understand that he only wanted to fly above the blue sky. Father sailed, my missing will stay.

The last fly, so fine, so tender. Balmy winds walked father to voyage. He was free like dragonfly, flight from where he never returned.

Father never had time to tell us what had in his mind. Still I know the everlasting missing. Those feelings I feel too.

Winds carried he for a while. He was free, then keeped a verge of heaven. Suddenly he flyed to the light, to the heaven he went, clouds so white, at least I hope so.

The last fly, so fine, so tender. Balmy winds walked father to voyage. He was free like dragonfly, flight from where he never returned.

The last fly, so fine, so tender. The sun with beams golden memories. He was free like dragonfly. Father flyed with winds away. I think it must be so, my tears will stay. I think it must be so, (must be so). I let it be so.

In my family we had four of us (my 75-year old mom, few years younger dad and big brother who’s 6 years older than me). We have been tight team together but it’s only three of us left anymore. The cancer took my father away so there’s one less of us now. It’s hard to understand that he is gone forever and never comes back.

The nurse called me at thursday morning and said that it’s time to come to see my dad so I went there right after my work. (Luckily I had very short workday and my customer let me go even earlier when she heard that my father is weak). I was so surprised cause the previous day I went to see him, he was ok. He ate sweats like normally and he did read a newspaper like he always did. Then we also met some therapy dog which walked around the hospital. It was so cute black lab!

Next monday my father evacuated to the new nursing home near the hospital cause his life expectancy was longer than the average in that section. A day or two after this he suddenly became weaker. He only slept and didn’t wake up. (That’s what my brother told me). It was the same at thursday when I went to see him. He only slept (or probably was in the catatonic stage already). He was snoring like home (on my childhood). It sounded so familiar, that I couldn’t think that he could be fadeing away (even though I new it). Nurses came periodically and gived morfin to him so he didn’t have any pains. I have been told the previous night my father were suffering a hard pains, so then they beginned to give him morfin.

Everything but sailing is needless, it includes whole life: trough, crest of a wave, storm’s black cloud of cattle, still there is also calm and balmy winds.

Everything but sailing is needless, people like boats oneselves are, always missing distant shore which can carry along, sculptor for your fate.

Everything but sailing is needless, there is the whole humaneness. Like whims of human nature, whispering of wind; there is betrayal, here is friendship.

Everything but sailing is needless, our own image it reflects. Journey begins with white sails, with bellows of thousand winds. Years darken for rigging.

Once you’ll find your way to end of rainbow, it will end the loneliness you’ll had. Once you will be carried to the shore of love and you’ll find your everlasting peace.

 

I left the nursing home after beeing over four hours there. I don’t know why but I was so sure that my dad will make it to tomorrow (or to the night atleast). For a while after when I came home nurse called me and told that my dad did passed away. I new my mom and brother were on their way to the nursing home and I was devastated cause they didn’t have time to see him alive. They actually came there right after it happened.   I didn’t want to call them cause I new they should be there any time and then nurse said she will be waiting them. My mom and brother said goodbye to my dad when they came there.

The next day on the forenoon they already called and asked if I needed the death certificate and they also said we should deside the funeral director. So we must beginning to organize the funeral right away which felt weard. My father passed away last evening and we should be thinking convention arrangements already. It felt unfear but the reason was that he died in nursing home, not in the hospital and they don’t have retention there.

My mom have been quite ok, after the first schock. I was so afraid that she will lost it and will be bad condition soon (she have alzheimer) but like I said she’s been quite ok which is so soothing cause I don’t want to loose her also. I think maybe nurses have gave her sedatives (like my brother asked they could if needed). I said to my mom she should be living to her 100 year birthday. We have so special bond. It’s always been so easy to talk to her, kind of like ”woman to woman”, you know.

My dad (was old fashioned, quite severe man and he) stayed always a little bit distant to me even we were in close contact and I did take care of him till the end of his days.

So it’s funeral again on the 27. july. We will arrange those with closest ones only. The coffer and urn have been choosed already too. The urn is hazel, very beautiful wood urn and the flowers on coffer are white and blue like the colours of the flag of Finland. Those are very beautiful too.

I have only one wish. I wish my father is in better place now where he doesn’t have pains or suffer anymore.

Peace to my fathers soul! We will always remember you as fair and honest father and husband!

THE HAPPIEST TIME OF THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE (Midsummer)

Finnish people are the happiest people in the world…again (If you do believe media). Normally I wouldn’t be so sure about that. When I first heard that I thought that: ”Really, again. Who are those people you have been interviewing?” I didn’t quite believe it…but now…It’s Midsummer, the weather have been great and I’m sure Finns are the most happiest people right now!

A cute ”midsummer squirrel” looking at me and obviously wondering what am I doing with my phone.

We’re having the brightest summer days here. This is so unique! We’re having more Sun shine than almost any other place in the world! The sun is shining all day long!

I always say that this is our price after long winter. When you had been suffering a long time in darkness, you’ll get this big price.

You can see the difference. People are so happy and smiling, talking more to strangers. The opposite compared to winter. So it seems to be very much an weather issue. Winter makes people (more) sad, summer makes them (more) happy! (Still, the news of this topic were published at March, so the interviewing have been probably made just little bit before that -surprisingly-).

My herring breads today! So good!!

By the way, all of the Scandinavian nations were at top 10. Obviously we’re doing something right here in north, even it’s not always so easy to see or valuable when you’re living here. I also see the difference to worser society which is (more or less) worldwide problem.

Anyway, I am not going to analyse this more. The sad thing is that right after midsummer the days are getting shorter but I try not to be thinking that. Luckily you don’t see the difference for a long time. We will get the bright days much much more (unless it’s rainy -which I really wish it’s not-). So all Finnish people do enjoy now. It’s the best time of the year…and the weather have been so great here, specially yesterday! (Midsummer weather is often ironically actually quite bad in Finland).

I also wish you all around the world have been having a HAPPY MIDSUMMER!

FINLAND *WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP 2019* (hockey)

1995…2011…2019

Thank you, Marko ”Mörkö” Anttila and our amazing goaltender: Kevin Lankinen!

All goals of Finland!

On this video you can hear our winning song backround. There is extracts about our sportscasters speaks on games. ”Löikö Mörkö sisään” (= Did Marko ”Mörkö” shoot in). (Nickname) ”Mörkö” means a bug bear.

It’s finally true after 8 years wait! Finland’s third hockey championship! I didn’t believe it could happend but it did…It did even though we didn’t have big NHL stars in our team, and even we had many first-timers. Still we won all biggest teams: Sweden, Russia and Canada. I would say this is our toughest win of all the time!

…So see you at market place…

”Torilla tavataan!”

Congratulations Lions!

FINLAND-RUSSIA 1-0 (Hockey world cup)

That’s it…or ”Se on siinä”, like our own sportscaster legend: Antero Mertaranta said in 1995 final game when we got our first gold medal at hockey world cup.

Finlad is in final game (again)! We played a great semifinal and broke praised Russia totally!

I was so sure we will loose and was very nervous on the last minuts when we were in the lead 1-0. I was afraid that the Russian still scored (specially when they took their goaltender away) and they were really close.

Our goaltender Kevin Lankinen played a great game and got the best player prize!

I hope we play with the same energy tomorrow in final… and If we will then…

”Torilla tavataan”

(like we say in Finland for example when we win something. It means: We’ll meet at the marketplace).

In this video you can hear a sample of our sportscaster legend: Antero Mertaranta. He’s at fire again when Marko Anttila strike the keygoal at third period.

I have also more to tell you which I will do as soon as possible but for now I just wanted to blaze our win cause I’m so happy for that! I haven’t had much energy or motivation to write. I hope I will get those both back soon! Atleast I feel better now when it’s almost summer and so bright…but anyway…

Good luck lions!

(Leijonat=finnish hockey team)