First I’m very sorry, I haven’t wrote for a while. That’s because I didn’t feel well and because of that I didn’t find motivation to write. I will tell you more about that in this post…so let’s start it with one question…


So how is it? Do you feel your glass is half empty or half full?

I (had to) face this question lately. I somehow realised my clock is ticking. I’m not young anymore, for real. I have been thinking these thoughts already long before but there are things which have made these thoughts really real for now. These things are mainly connected to my healthy issues…

At first my periods started to mess with me occasionally. Sometimes those came normally, sometimes those lasted over 2weeks non-stop and started right after again. (It could be because of the stress of my fathers cancer). Then when I went to blood test, it became clear that I have anemia (which is typical for women who have abundant periods). Now I’m eating iron (retafer) which have helped me (and I have decreased the dose) but it can take a long time before it will completely help against sleepines and weakness.


I ate for example spinach crepes when I had that bad anemia.

I also got the covering letter to a gynecologist. Interesting thing was that she didn’t find those 2 little myomas (liquid vesicles) which was founded last spring when I went to lower abdomen ultrasound. I guess those just have disappeared which is surely great! The doctor suggested also a coil to me. That worsed me to think about the baby making thing again. I’m still not sure about that and I don’t think that comes more clear to me in couple of weeks (or months). I just feel quite pressured to decide right now even I refused to take the coil by now but the doctor said that: IF I WANT TO MAKE A BABY I HAVE TO MAKE IT NOW, NOT ANY LATER! So that surely made me think! The question is still the same: What do I want? The biggest thing I’m scared of is the childbirth and I’m also afraid of miscarriage. That would be devastating experience. Maybe I have been listening too much childbirth stories which have been often frightening…but then again, will I (we) be lonely without a child at older? Will my life be empty without watching a child growing? Like my doctor said, it’s not fair that men have time to think the baby making (almost) as long as they need. Why women don’t?

That’s not even all. I’m also afraid of that coil regulation and I’m afraid of is it fitting to me cause it’s not fitting to every women. I did read an article of that a while ago.

I got to know on my doctor also that my thyroid is possibly bound for overactive. My grandma suffered that same issue. After hearing that it came a chrystall clear to me why I have had those symptoms I have (and why my periods were uneven).

Here is the most common symptoms if you have overactive thyroid (hyperthyroidism). (I did bold the symptoms which I’m suffering most):

  • nervousness, anxiety and irritability
  • hyperactivity – you may find it hard to stay still and feel full of nervous energy
  • mood swings
  • difficulty sleeping
  • feeling tired all the time
  • sensitivity to heat
  • muscle weakness
  • diarrhoea
  • needing to pee more often than usual
  • persistent thirst
  • itchiness
  • (loss of interest in sex)

An overactive thyroid can also cause the following physical signs:

I have majority of these symptoms so I could be suffering of this even my numbers are still (almost) normal but the point were you beginning to show symptoms is very personal… Like I told you I have also had uneven periods and shivering which can also be sings of hyperthyroidism according some articles I’ve read.

I’m so tired of being tired and that weakness which at first even made me feel dizzy sometimes. I never wake up being perky or energetic. When I come home after work and market shoppings, I usually feel like I have run a marathon. I’m just so exhausted and I don’t have the energy to do anything at home. That’s annoying! That’s why I didn’t have energy even to write though I have many ideas and drafts in my blog which I would love to accomplish! Normally I’m so enthusiastic to write and now the feeling have been gone for long time…but I’m already feeling a little bit better probably cause I just found out my hemoglobin is back to normal. Still I don’t know my ferritin number by now (depot iron). Earlier it was real low maybe it’s still low…

Well, let’s sea. I wish I will be ok soon. Maybe my thyroid will be back to normal without any operations. It could be…and ferritin will surely raise now when my hemoglobin is normal again…

Till the next time…



I got sad news again for you. It’s only over a week ago when world’s best ski jumper Matti Nykänen died…and then came this…

Front man of legendary finnish band called ”Yö” (=Night) did suddenly got an attack on Monday-Tuesday night and died.

In 1981 based band was one of my favourites, especially when I was young. They got so many legendary songs. They got beautiful, sad songs…and their songs brings me memories of my youth and all of those growing pains I had when I listened to their music.



For real Classic formed song ”Joutsenlaulu” (Swan Song) have stayed in radio playing since 1984 and is (surely) one of the most singed songs at karaoke. It’s the most notable finnish rock-pop songs ever.

Olli was supposed to celebrate his great 40 year old trail in 2021. Sadly he didn’t have time for that. Lord decided it other way…

…But the music lives forever…

Listen here few of their hits!


MATTI NYKÄNEN (1963-2019)

Today I was so shocked when I heard the news in the morning. Something very unexpected were happened. My childhood idol and one of the biggest legends: ski jumper Matti Nykänen was dead at the age of 55. I couldn’t believe it! He was still young man and he seemed to be getting his life (almost) fixed and right after that he had to leave. It’s so sad…

I was wondering what did happened to him cause everything should have been ok. Later I heard he had fall on roof top when he was shoveling snow. Obviously he did hurt his selves but did not go to doctor.

On Friday he had still singing gig in bar. (He have been singing at bars for years after his sport career). It remained his last perform.

Matti was five time Olympic medalist -four time gold medalist-. He had 14 world Champion chip medals, 22 Finnish champion chip medals and four Ski jumping world Cup gold medals.

When I was little girl at 80’s we were watching his competitions with my family on our picture tube tv. I didn’t know much about life at that time but I admired Matti and was so exited when he was jumping. That excitement was all for me. It made living special! Matti made my life special! He was charismatic person (though he was also broken, nervous and shy man who sometimes made wrong desicions). Still he was and always will be whole nations Matti!

One legend is gone again! There will never be another Matti! He flyes now in heaven only!

This is my favorite song of my childhood…

Rough translation:

How does it feel up in the tower

as the crowd is awaiting below?
Is your trajectory on spot today?
How does it look from above?
Do the flags of Finland wave
or have the winds calmed down altogether?

Fly Matti Nykänen, fly
Fly Matti Nykänen
Come back alive

Good tracks help you
They guide you down
Is your take-off on spot today?
Hear the crowd shout
As over the critical point
you’re expected to jump

Fly Matti Nykänen, fly
Fly Matti Nykänen
Come back alive

See the look of the people
as they adore you
As they expect you to win
As you prepare for the jump
the spirit goes to the roof
Will the jump take you long?

Fly Matti Nykänen, fly
Fly Matti Nykänen
Don’t come back drunk


How beautiful is this! We really have been living in the winter wonder land in Helsinki lately!

Shouldn’t even complain about cold when it’s so beautiful…and the lightness will come…every day more and more…

Today sun raised in 9.01 and it sets 16.02. It’s an hour more light than in the darkest time here!

Below is the link where you can watch yourselves when the sun rise and sets in Finland on selected day (and town). It’s my favorite site on spring time!


By the way, I recommend you to check my post on internet site! The photos seems to be working better than if you check it with using wordpress mobile!! I don’t know why…


Mamba: ”Ei toiset opi koskaan” (Some never learn)
”Some never learn, never can’t change, some never can’t find their happiness. Some people never can’t change, some always just stays the same.
Some never learn. I always again make the same mistake. I think I never will change my selves. Some never learn, never learn…”

Check out this great blog post…Like she said, we have been thought the ”sky is the limit”. Well, If it could be, we would all be writers, dancers, sportsman, or -woman, singers, artists, lawyers or something like that…but we are not!

There is much funny or weird sayings. Like you know how they always say: ”Be your selves” (or be who you are). I mean, how is it even possible to be anything else than just you? If you can’t change your brain it isn’t.

”Be who you are. The sky’s the limit”…Wait, what!

Sure I get the point, yes but shouldn’t we also learn in life. Shouldn’t we grow up when we age? We can’t always stay the same (and just be satisfied what we are). We can’t be as naive and childish as youngsters. Or if we are, it should be a warning sign. Then you should stop and ask yourselves, haven’t I learn anything. It sounds like you’r perfect already: ”Be your selves”. (Don’t worry, just be who you are.) It’s like we stopped growing…but we’re never (even nearly) perfect. We have always something to learn!

I sure haven’t learn as much as I would like to but I hope I still have time to do that. I hope that when I’m old, I can say I’ve learned a lot! Maybe then I can really be my selves without any questioning.


Well then, the year 2018 have come to it’s end and we’re receiving a new year again.

Goodbye 2018…

I have been commemorating the year 2018 last days and I realised this have been quite good year…since the end of this year when I got this bad news of my fathers cancer…

Sure those were bad news also when my partners grandma died but she was already 91 year old so it was kind of naturally…even we never want to let go of our closest ones…

Obviously there always have to happend some bad things too. It surely never can be only good things too long time in anybody’s life…

Anyway, like I said there have been the good things quite much in this year. I got the new job (or two jobs -other one I did loose but this other one I still have). I hope I can keep this job for long time…

Then in the summer I got that great commercial convention. I got my poem to ”Dancing With The Stars” commercial. That is something I’ll never forget!

I had also that gymnastic trip in the summer to Turku. It was unforgettable too!

So all and all this was good year…I dear to say so…

…Welcome 2019

There below you can find links to the posts I recommend you to check out written in 2018. I mean if you already haven’t check those. There you can find those named best moment’s and also sad or somehow notable moment’s or things.

Here it is…my year round up and wrapped…


Mary Eileen O’Riordan


”The beast of east”




Different birthday


Finland gymnaestrada Turku 6/2018






Tips to maxillary sinus symptoms


My poem to ”Dancing With The Stars” comercial



My best poems


Boat trip


Climate change


”Dancing With The Stars” Live show


My new job


The saddest news of the year…my fathers cancer


Thank you and Happy new year to all of my readers!


(Tango queen 1996) Saija Varjus: ”Tähtiin kirjoitettu” (Written in stars)

This song is about relinquish…

I heard some very sad news before Christmas but I didn’t want to tell those news in my advent calendar so I tell you now.

It’s about my dad. He have a bad liver cancer which can’t be removed. Also he’s so old and weak that every potential nurtures could be fatal for him.

He have been quite alive though. I can’t believe his so ill. In spite of that illness our Christmas dinner went well. He ate normally and was able to sit with us the whole evening. I think it’s those pain killers.

We were ready to think with my brother that this might be our last Christmas when we’re all together…

The good thing is my parents don’t remember that thing cause they both have Alzheimer. I can see it. They live like before, like nothing happened. Mom always says how good it is they’re still quite well considering to their age. I think this is better to them. Now they can be living happily together the rest of the time they still have.

On the other hand I’m very worried about mom how will she cope if she stays alone. Specially with Alzheimer it can be tough, cause she don’t necessarily remember what happened and where my father is. Like my grandma didn’t remember the death of my grandpa. Scary thought…and I don’t even know could she live alone anymore or will her condition just get worse…

I’m picturing in my mind again and again the situation when the doctor visited at my parents and told the bad news. I heard from my brother my mom shocked first and then after that dad too.

I can imagine their reactions. I can easily see it in my mind. I can hear my mom crying loudly (like she had before). It’s terrible picture even though I know they don’t remember it anymore…but still it hurts me to be thinking that!

I only hope my dad can get some help. The help which will slow the progress of that disease and will help he to cope and manage better!

Take care and good night!