Friendly Friday Photo Challenge: Dreams of childhood

From the left to the right: my father, my mother, me and my grandma on christmas eve (1986 I think)

Some time ago I found these posts https://wp.me/p6FALh-2jO

https://www.google.com/amp/s/thesandychronicles.blog/2020/10/16/friendly-friday-dreams/amp/

I did read those and I got the idea of my own version of this topic. I had actually one short draftpost touching this topic (without name). Now it’s time to make this post complete…

I am dreaming of getting back in time when I didn’t have to think anything else than just like what to play next or how to get homework done, the beautifull, pure childhood time. Even the time when I grew up a little bit to a teen and my biggest issue was how to find a boyfriend, was still great too. Those times when specially my closest familymembers: father and grandma (who were also aImost living with us before hospitalized and with whom I had so fun together), was alive. Both godfathers and godmother was alive, (if I’ll go further to my childhood even grandpa was alive but I don’t remember him so well. He was hospitalized when I was about six years old. I’ve heard that I’m a lot like my grandfather. Philosophying and analyzing everything like him. I wish I could have known him better.)

Me and my new hat on summer 1986(?)

I’m dreaming of getting a time machine and spending one week with those close ones, be innocent, care free child once more. If only I could be and enjoy every moment, be present without worrying the past or the future. Immerse myself in inspiring plays. Jump on a skipping rope on the yard. Dancing ballet with my best friend putting my soul into it. Go to play ground with my grandma. Go once again to summer camp or weekend camp. Spend a truly joyfull christmas with the excitement of presents.

If only I could really feel alive and run free bare foot in the wind, feeling grass under my soles or dancing with the raindrops, and laugh, laugh so hard that my stomach aches. I think I lost that ability years a go, like many of us in middle age I guess, too many…What happened to us after those happy days? Life happened. Too much losses, too much responsibilities, too much worrying, too much everything…

That one happy week back in childhood, that’s what I dream of…but too bad, I can’t make that dream come true…

A DREAM

I saw a dream of my father one night. I was in front of my childhood home and my father was at the door. He was looking for the keys and didn’t find those.

He was angry because he didn’t find his keys (like he surely would have been in real life also in this kind of situation.) I was scared of meeting my father there cause I new my father is dead. I had my friend with me near of our house and so I called her to come closer. She came and I showed my father to her. I tried to say something but I couldn’t speak. I remember I tried to call my father but it was only a silent whispering what came out of my mouth. I was very anxious and my breathing got really heavy. I could strongly hear the sound of my breath. My father stopped what he was doing (finding the keys). He just stood still and I got the feeling he was surprised of my reaction. Like he would be thinking why am I acting this way. Then I woke up.

”THE MESSAGE”

What a weard dream this was…but I think I got the message. My father didn’t find the keys obviously cause he doesn’t live there anymore. He’s place isn’t there anymore…Still, it’s natural for me to see him staying there, cause he have been there most of my life. Father is still living in my subconscious!

There is still one thing I don’t understand. Why it’s sometimes happy meeting when you see deceased people in your dream and sometimes scary?