SOMETIMES I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL

This is a great song which is describeing my feelings well right now. I think it’s mostly because during last days I have had so low energy level even I have slept little more than before this period but still…It’s not all about time. I have been wakeing up again and again every single morning and I think I haven’t slept deep sleep enough. It makes one easily feel weard and surreal.

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One night this came in to my dream: I was at shower (in sauna) and I was very tired. Suddenly I had coffee with me and I just thought that hopefully it’s helping me. I just felt that I have no energy to do anything and that was very annoying feeling. Almost like last days reality…

In other night I had a very weard dream. I saw a dream where I was at my childhood home. Suddenly there was a snake and it bited me. My hand swelld. It was like I have had a big blister in my hand. Someone first said it’s only a viper and that it’s perfectly harmless. Then some other said it could be after all other dangerous snake. I was scared and was gonna go to pharmacy. Then I woke up.

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My back have also been achy last weeks or months actually…sometimes more, sometimes less…and now my neck is aching too. I can’t even move my head well cause it’s hurting so…

This week my mothers and fathers remembrance was tested. My mother got quite low scores and that’s why she needs more tests but my father surprisingly passed that test which I would never believe cause he these days asking always the same questions again and again. Mom also forgotten things easier than earlier but I thought she’s little bit better than dad.

It’s sad if my mom will get the same destiny than her mom who had dementia. I was a little girl but I remember how hard time it was. For example some time my grandma didn’t com to get me from art school. She went at playground where we use to go together and thought I’m there. Also she did run away many times from hospital and claimed she got home. When her dementia went bad she thought my mom was her sister and that I was my mom. She called me my mothers name. That was tuff time specially for my mom. I hope it takes still many years before that happends to my mom…but some day it can happend to her too…even it’s sad to think about that…

(By the way I have no idea why my text font gets bigger in the middle of this post. (It sometimes does) but I don’t manage to change it now. I hope it’s not bothering you too much…) 

Till the next time…Take care!

Mainokset

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