I saw a dream of my father one night. I was in front of my childhood home and my father was at the door. He was looking for the keys and didn’t find those.

He was angry because he didn’t find his keys (like he surely would have been in real life also in this kind of situation.) I was scared of meeting my father there cause I new my father is dead. I had my friend with me near of our house and so I called her to come closer. She came and I showed my father to her. I tried to say something but I couldn’t speak. I remember I tried to call my father but it was only a silent whispering what came out of my mouth. I was very anxious and my breathing got really heavy. I could strongly hear the sound of my breath. My father stopped what he was doing (finding the keys). He just stood still and I got the feeling he was surprised of my reaction. Like he would be thinking why am I acting this way. Then I woke up.


What a weard dream this was…but I think I got the message. My father didn’t find the keys obviously cause he doesn’t live there anymore. He’s place isn’t there anymore…Still, it’s natural for me to see him staying there, cause he have been there most of my life. Father is still living in my subconscious!

There is still one thing I don’t understand. Why it’s sometimes happy meeting when you see deceased people in your dream and sometimes scary?


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It’s here…


We’re back at 20’th century…

I can’t believe it. Like we have been traveling in time…or just traveling…over years…That number (2020) feels so absurd. I mean then years have passed by of the new year 2010 and twenty years of the new year 2000 (millenium) but the good thing is I always loved 20’s style. I think we should take it back…So (never mind the middle age crisis and) welcome back 20’s!!!

I want to thank all of my customers of the last year 2019! I’m so grateful to have you all! Without your positivity my year would have been even more worse what it already was! You keep me alive I can tell!

I don’t wish anything so much than just simply that this year is easier than the last one. 2019 was very hard for me and took all of my energy so I wish I can get it back and get a fresh new start! I just want to be health and happy!

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The year of losses *2019*

Last year took more than gave, much more…

There were big losses. For me the biggest loss was naturally the loss of my father but…

…also there were other losses. Publicly known people losses. We lost inter alia all them:

  • Mikko Saarela (16.1.1958-11.1.2019) -musician, song writer, biologist, founder and basist of the popular finnish band: Eppu Normaali
  • Emiliano Sala (31.10.1990-21.1.2019) Argentinian star socker player
  • Olli Ainola (23.6.1958-27.1.2019) finnish tv-journalist, chief of radio ”Yle” (=public broadcasting company) tv news finance shipment
  • Matti Nykänen (17.7.1963-4.2.2019) Legendary ski jumper


  • Ismo Kallio (16.2.1935-2.2.2019) finnish actor who is well known for his imitations of finnish president: Mauno (”Manu”) Koivisto (1982-1988) and was called as ”auxiliary Manu”
  • Gordon Banks (30.12.1937-12.2.2019) one of the best goalies who did lead England to it’s one and only world championship 1966
  • Olli Lindholm (19.3.1964-12.2.2019) Vocal of the popular finnish band: ”Yö”


  • Karl Lagerfeld (10.9.1933-19.2.2019) Well known German fashion designer, specially known for the head designer of Chanel
  • Keith Flint (17.9.1969-4.3.2019) Vocalist of the 90’s and 2000’s popular band: ”Prodigy” made suicide
  • Luke Perry (11.10.1966-4.3.2019) an actor who was well known of his role on Beverly Hills 90210 tv-serie.
  • Lasse Pöysti (24.1.1927-5.4.2019) finnish actor, director, leader of the theater and script writer
  • Olli Mäki (22.12.1936-6.4.2019) finnish star boxer, the only one who have won European champion ship
  • Kari Pesonen (11.2.1961-20.4.2019) Vocalist and song writer of the finnish band: ”Puolikuu” (half moon) passed away only few hours before gig
  • Ken Kercheval (15.7.1935-21.4.2019) An actor who was well known from the Dallas tv-serie
  • Oiva Toikka (29.5.1931-22.4.2019) Successful finnish glass artist
  • Reijo Taipale (9.3.1940-26.4.2019) finnish adult pop star with a long track
  • Peter Mayhew (19.5.1944-30.4.2019) Well known from Star Wars movies as ”Chewbacca”
  • Doris Day (3.4.1922-13.5.2019) One of the most popular actor and singer on 50’s and 60’s
  • Anna-Kaisa Hermunen (17.2.1948-13.5.2019) finnish journalist who was well known from the tv-program: ”Hermunen”
  • Peggy Lipton (30.8.1946-11.5.2019) An actor specially known from the tv-serie: ”Twin Peaks”
  • Niki Lauda (22.2.1949-20.52019) Three Times winner of the Formula 1 (1975, 1977, 1984). One of the most legendary formula drivers ever.
  • Joonas Loiri (17.4.1982-29.5.2019) finnish DJ, music video director and provider also known as son of entertainment artist Vesa-Matti Loiri
  • Jose Antonio Reyes (1.9.1983-1.6.2019) did die on car accident. He was popular player of soccer- team ”Arsenal”
  • Billy Drago (30.11.1945-24.6.2019) An actor and stunt well known from the movies: ”Untouchables”, ”Freeway” ”Mysterious Skies”
  • Carl Gustav Jernström (31.7.1944-14.7.2019) Founder of the circus Finlandia (1979) whitch is still one of the most popular finnish circus
  • Claes Andersson (30.5.1937-24.7.2019) was minister, writer, psychiatrist and jazz-musician
  • Jorma Kinnunen (15.12.1941-25.7.2019) Well known javelin thrower
  • Toni Morrison (18.2.1931-5.8.2019) was first afro-American woman who won Nobel literature prize 1993. On her books she described the life of black women these days and in history.
  • Jeffrey Epstein (20.1.1953-10.8.2019) was a multimillionaire and investment banker. He made suicide in jail while he was waiting his trial regarding to under aged vice ring.
  • Princess Christina (18.2.1947-16.8.2019) Princess of Netherlands was the queen Juliana’s and Prince Bernhard’s youngest daughter and queen Beatrix’s youngest sister.
  • Juhani Kärkinen (28.10.1935-29.8.2019) Finnish successful ski jumper on 50’s and 60’s. He won gold medal at Lahti world championships 1958.
  • Jukka Virtanen (25.7.1933-1.9.2019) was finnish well known writer, journalist, singer, script writer, speaker. He was multifunctional media man.
  • Robert Gabriel Mugabe (21.2.1924-6.9.2019) was the politician and leader of Zimbabwe. He was the prime minister 1980-1987 and the president of Zimbabwe 1987-2017.
  • Kari Toivonen (1942-28.9.2019) was finnish long-time reporter on YLE
  • Kyllikki Forssell (2.51925-7.10.2019) an actor who got pro-Finlandia medal and the title of theater Counselor
  • Aila Meriluoto (10.1.1924-21.10.2019) was poetist and writer. She published her first still popular poetry work: ”Lasimaalaus” (=glasspainting) 1946.
  • Mervi Tapola (14.4.1954-30.10.2019) was the heir of Tapola-meat processing Company and the ex-wife of Matti Nykänen. They were married two times and their relationship was very stormy and it was implied on finnish media.
  • Anne ”heinäsirkka” (=grasshoper) Taskinen (3.2.1958-7.12.2019) Finnish rock-musician, actor and journalist. After her rock-career she worked at radio, the freelancejournalist of finnish newspaper (Iltalehti) and occasion organiser.
  • Marie Fredriksson (30.5.1958-9.12.2019) Best known as vocalist of The Roxette pop-rock band.
  • Ari Behn (30.9.1972-25.12.2019) Writer and spouse of Norwegian princess Märtha Louise 2002-2016

I’m sorry, this comes little late (I visited at my mom on new year’s eve and I was at work on new year’s day) so I have been busy but anyway better later than never…

…Happy new year everybody!


It’s Christmas time. Time to calm one’s mind and spend peacefull days with closest ones…

…time to love…

…and time to memorize those who’s not there anymore. In my inner circle there is quite many of those who’s gone already. They live only in my memories and I have gave my thoughts to them as every Christmas.

With warm thoughts I will remember this year specially my father (who passed away on July) but sure also my grandma and grandpa and all of you my deceased closest ones…

Also don’t forget to rest and enjoy on Christmas days.

Let this Christmas be full of love without any weekday stress!!



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The liquorice on the photo of this slide show is the genuine old Vyborg liquorice in year 1906. It was the home town of my grandpa who was born in 1904.


My dear home land is 102 years old today. I’m so grateful I have been blessed to grow and live here, one of the best places on the world!

Even though we’re usually wining and seeing the negative things (I’m not the one to blame), on our independence day I have to admit Finland is still quite good land to live! It’s peaceful, it’s beautiful (full of lakes and forests) and it’s pioneer on many things! Finnish people are honest. One good example of that is the fact we’re the only country in the world who have payed all war debts.

I have to say this (and today it’s the least I can do): I LOVE FINLAND AND FINS!


On Wednesday I was at interesting photo exhibition at library, where were old photos on ”Pakila-Paloheinä” districts in Helsinki. The oldest photos were taken on the early 1900 and the newest on 1980’s(-1990’s). Many of those photos were taken on winter war. There were books also, about war and bombing in whole Helsinki and about these named districts. It took a long time for me cause I got so exited to read those books and taking pictures. Part of those pictures you can see here.

The old wartime News. Newspaper: Finnish social democrat. Headlines: ”The contract of truce have been written”.”Finland is loosing ”Karelia” and ”Petsamo”. ”Porkkala” for bace.””

There is my old school on the right. It got hard hits on bombing in February 1944.

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On this slide show you can see for example Presidents House, sailors home, Senat market, an old historic building on the ”Rauhankatu”. (Ironically rauha means peace in finnish). Those all got hard hits on those same bombings 1944. There’s also ”St.Lauri” church at Vantaa -before and after- the year 1893 major fire catastrophe. The last photo includes: 1.Estonia theater (made by finnish designers: Wivi Lönn & Armas Lindgren) which was destroyed on Tallinn bombing and

2. Middle Ages church at The Tallinn old town. Later the church was renowed and replaced with museum and concert hall.

Old Schoolbuildings.

First photo: The residents of Pakila at shelter course at November 1939. The last one: Soldiers are marching at Pakila 1944.


  • Residents about 120 000, Whole population 265 000
  • Massive bombings 6.-7.2. & 16.-17.2. & 26.-27.2.1944
  • Bombers about 2000
  • Bombs about 2600 tons
  • Bombs to the main city under 5%

I hope you all have had a great independence day! Good night!

Photos and other source:

Helsinki massive bombing 1944

Helsinki’s rural municipality history 1865-1945 (these days: Vantaa town).


Today I’m gonna introduce you the new (big) shopping mall in Helsinki, Pasila. It’s called: Tripla. It’s inside of Pasila train station and it’s bigger than ”Itis” (which was the biggest mall in the Nordic countries until this). Today Tripla is the biggest one. There is inter alia over 60 cafe’s so it’s huge in Helsinki scale (too big I would say).

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Pasila= small New York in Helsinki

Pasila is growing. There will be coming more big buildings, more skyscrapers. In few years it will be a little bit like the small New York. (That’s what came in my mind when I saw the brochure of the becoming Pasila). So Helsinki is getting bigger and bigger. The new malls (like Redi and Saari) and also new areas is builded all the time over Helsinki.

I think, it’s sad that the cities just grow and grow (around the world). We loose our nature, we loose our oxygen. Also we are losing our personal areas. Helsinki (along with other cities) are losing their uniqueness. Those idyllic little areas where is not too much people or jams. That is what I have loved in Helsinki.

Also I do not believe, those all shops or malls will survive in this still quite little Helsinki city.

However Tripla was quite charming (in inside) as you can see on photos but I like more compact malls like Columbus at Vuosaari where is just few shops but still everything you need in your everyday life. The shops are side by side and those are easy to find and not too far away.

’Till the next time, bye!


My dad.

Now as it’s fathers day, the first one without him (for me), I wanted to memorize my father. So there’s photos of my father and also some thoughts and dreams concerning my father’s passing away.

I have now two timelines. The first is the time when my father was still a live. The second is the time when my father was gone. Those two I automatically recognised when my father passed away. I’m using those timelines when I’m memorizing something in the past. (Was my father alive or not.) It’s like demarcation in my life, the demarcation which I didn’t know before.

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My dad in the army at 1960’s.

My dad got some medal at job (at 70’s or 80’s).


I got an add to my phone one day. The add was from Elisa operator. It said: ”Have you bought a present to your father already?” I was just thinking that: it’s impossible to me like it’s impossible to all who doesn’t have father anymore (and there are quite many of us I assume). So the question is: why do they do this? Send randomly messages like this without knowing what’s the situation. Do she or he even have father anymore. This is not right way to marketing. This kind of marketing should be done in television only. Not this way. I never liked that kind of marketing, but I think this was the rock bottom. Shame on you, Elisa!

The boat trip to Stockholm in April 1994. We were celebrating of the 50th birthday of my mother. On the left in front of the photo is my dad and behind on the left is (my brothers ex girlfriend,) mother and I in the age of 13 (almost 14).


Before the funeral, my brother saw an interesting dream about my dad. In that dream we were all together at my parents house (my childhood home) with the whole family. My dad was laying in coffer. Suddenly he stood up and he said: ”Don’t you worry, everything is ok. I’m fine!”. Then he walked out of the door. I believe this was the sign. It was the sign what I’ve been waiting for. I’ve been hoping he’s at better place feeling fine and then this dream came to my brother. After that I have been more peaceful cause I know he’s at heaven. That’s what he wanted to come to tell us.

There are guides and one card from my fathers trip to Amsterdam at 1970’s. These I found at daddys cabinet when we were looking for important papers.


Also I have had dreams of my father. Like one day I saw the dream where we all were at my parents house together -again-. My father was sleeping on his bed while the rest of us where watching tv. Then he woke up and climbed on windowsill where were also a lighting candle. My father did burn his selves on that candle and started to shout. I went to get some water and threw it on my dad. That’s all I remember of that dream but it was really weird!

On the other dream I’ve seen my father we were in our summer cottage and I knew my father have passed away. Nevertheless I saw him on my dream and I was happy. It felt like one of those happy moments I have had in our summer cottage. I think I somehow knew that I was dreaming but it felt quite real.

Senior dance at high school 1999. After we performed old salong dances to our family members, we danced with them. Here is my final dances with my father.

My dad’s 60th birthdayparty (in 2006) at russian restaurant in Helsinki. (Doesn’t he looke still great on that age?!)

The old father’s day card which we gave to our dad years ago. This teddy is so cute!

Fare well my dad and I hope every one have had a happy fathers day. Those of you, who still have a father to celebrate. Remember these moments, cause those won’t last forever. One day those happy moments are gone…


I finally will be posting this post about my fathers funeral which have been waiting of it’s realisation for long time…too long time actually. (By the way, all these beautiful linked songs were played at the funeral).

We spent my fathers funeral with family (and the closest ones) on 27.7. at Töölö church which was his home church. That’s why we wanted to spend the funeral there. We were lucky to make it happend cause the church is very popular. (On the video below you can see how beautiful this church is.)

It’s also my confirmation church…and when I was a little school girl, I was singing on schools choir. We were performing in that church on every school event.

At the same time I was accompanying on church agency. By then we made weekend trips to place called ”Sipuli” (Onion) and always met on church garden where the bus did leave.

So ”Töölö church” is very nostalgic place to me. It has been years without visiting in this church. It was kind of like time trip to me…but not happy one this time…

When I arrived on the church I was thinking me of little girl standing there on the yard of the church. I was thinking my life by then and how happy I was. How everything was (almost) perfect by then. I think I didn’t really realise how perfect it was or could be grateful of that. Sure I couldn’t cause I didn’t know anything else. I didn’t know the other side of the life by then. I was so innocent…

Now it was totally different. Now I was first time in my life blessing one of my family members to the rest of grave. Even it was the day of sadness, the thing which made me happy on that day was all people who came there and who I got to see after a long time.

It was unreal to see the coffer of my father. The white box with blue and white flowers. In some way I didn’t really believe that he’s in there even though I new it. Every familymember had one rose to put on coffer and with that we left goodbye to my dad.

After blessing at coffee service the mood was more relaxed. There was really good strawberry cheesecake and ham sandwich cake which were both made by my brothers girl friend. She likes to bake so she wanted to arrange the service which was great!

Now my father has got his blessing. Life goes on…

My mother don’t always remember that father is gone but it will come to her mind right away when you mention it. It’s these things which I rather would not like to remind her.

I remember one great postcard text:

”sometimes it’s better forget than to remember”.

I agree with that!