*Amazing pianist*

This very talented woman is my old clas mate! I remember how I admired her piano playing in the primary school when she was performing at different celebrations. Now when I heard her playing again, after about 30 years, I was that school girl again. I went in my mind to that ballroom and I felt the same feelings. The feelings of languor, the feelings of calmness. Her music touched that little, shy and quiet girl by then, the girl who lived for ballet and classical music and it still touches this life educated, middle aged woman in the current, totally different life situation. Even the world have changed and I have changed, my heart and feelings have not changed! In a way I’m still that little fearful schoolgirl who seeks her place and purpose and thirsting for beauty like this music!

Happy sunday and the official beginning of summer time (if it is used in your country)!

The evening is again an hour longer, I’ve been waiting for this!


”Never Ending Story” (released in 1985 in Finland) was my favorite movie when I was a child. I was watching it in a movie theater with my class (to the best of my recollection in only 1990. I’m still pretty sure it was the first movie, not the second sequel part even though it was released in 1990 in Finland.) I think I was 10-years old by then. I also fell in love with this song…and still like it.

This covid-19 feels like never ending story. It never seems to have an end…but it must come sometimes. I refuse to believe that the rest of my life would go in fear of the virus, and I don’t really believe so, although some do say so. We have to win this race if only the vaccinations continue at a steady (as fast as possible) pace.

When I was young I always thought that I was born in great time and country. There was so peacefull and safe. No wars or any crisis in decades. Nothing threatening. How could I have been so naive? How couldn’t I think that everything can change at any time, that the future is unknown. Life can surprise. You never know where it will take you…


It can take you for example to this…to demonstration against covid -19 restrictions (or a demonstration for freedom of speech as the organizer himself highlighted in his speech which is an obvious lie…or perhaps not a lie, but a modified truth). The demonstration was held in 20. march 2021 in Helsinki ”Kansalaistori”. (Similar has been the case in many other countries recently.) From what I heard, I realized that these people don’t think this would be a serious pandemic so they speak about freedom and think that masks and restrictions in general are useless. They compare this to regular influenza. I do not think that such measures are being taken in vain around the world (or just because of the exercise of power). They also says that masks just spread the disease but there are also positive results from the MASKS if you just USE IT RIGHT and also USE THE RIGHT KIND OF MASK (which are ffp 2 and 3 masks or surgical mask). For virus variants, the most effective is to use two masks. I use both of those I mentioned, these days.

These people want to have INDIVIDUAL FREEDOM but no society works that way. Quite a bit of chaos would follow from it if everyone were just responsible for themselves and could do whatever they want. Who even imagines they could ever be free. I don’t. I ever have. We never have and never will be totally free! There are always responsibilities in our lives!

This disease has been proven to be bad especially for at-risk and elderly people. Certain variants can be very bad for both young and healthy people too. Are these people willing to take the risk of infecting someone else who can in the worst case, die. They just want to continue a normal life without any restrictions and rave about individual freedom.

The same demonstration on 20. march 2021 in Helsinki, ”Kansalaistori”.

I wondered if she who held the sign ”freedom and responsibility” knew what responsibility meant. Doesn’t that mean we follow the rules of society (especially in such a serious situation) and we do not rebel against and tear to pieces what others are trying to keep together?! Not everything that changes the world needs to be twisted as conspiracy theory. It feels like everyone just doesn’t want to admit or see it if the matter is frighteningly serious. Many just want to close their eyes and put things at the forefront of conspiracy theory or something like that.

One thing I have to tell them who read my earlier posts and might think I’m crazy to scare this much covid -19, I’m not the craziest one. I read an article of woman who haven’t even went to grocerys while this pandemic. She has not gone anywhere. Well, she has a detached house so she have her own yard. Quite nice! You can get fresh air and touch of the nature without fear. However I wonder that she didn’t even dare to set off last summer when the disease situation in Finland was very calm. Personally, I was moving quite normally back then. (i.e. I went to work and took care of everyday things normally). At some point I even remember my thought that this might not be such a bad disease for a woman my age, that maybe it would only be good to get sick, and after that there would be no need to fear. By then there were not even virus variants which have greatly increased my fears. Apparently some have been even more afraid (all the time) than I am!


Some time ago I saw again covid -19 dream where I was at some shopping mall. I bought something but I was left my money on the pocket of my jacket which I couldn’t find anymore. I didn’t remember the way to the stand where my jacket was. I was in panick. I also realized that I’m in the middle of people and I don’t have mask or anything. People were passing by and my fear did grow. At some point I started to cry. I didn’t get my money back…

So the covid-19 is these days often also in my dreams. Like I told you earlier those are always like this. I’m in the middle of people without mask (and without disinfectant) and at some point when I realize the situation, this makes me really afraid! The corona has thus gone deep into the subconscious! When times are tough, so are your dreams!

Have a nice day and stay safe!

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I’m sorry, this video is in Finnish only!


I thought we Finns were bad at showing our feelings…until I watched this clip. I realized we are not so bad. We actually say pretty directly what we think and feel! We say if we’re pissed of, we say if we’re depressed, we say if we’re sad…I don’t think very many of us cry publicly (in the company of others) and that’s one of the reasons I thought we are not good to show our feelings but we sure say if something is wrong (well, sure you don’t tell everything to everybody but atleast friends and probably work mates will know…and I guess your family too).

Is it really true that ”People don’t talk their negative feelings in USA”, as Helistiina says in the video (with the headline: ”Why not move back to the USA”)? She has been an aupair in Pittsburgh and there according to her everybody just smile and be ”happy” all the time no matter what but I really do hope that it’s not the whole truth. I hope that they have someone to talk to. They have to be, right?! Or else they’re really lonely. Everybody needs someone to talk to. It would be a scary idea that one should always smile and be joyful.

Small talk

Small talk is obviously even more straightforward there but it sure can be that here too especially if you meet some nodding acquaintance. I was once witnessing a quite traditional small talk situation in Finland. I was in bus and I think I was on my way from work to home. Two women met and their conversation went mainly like this:

” Hi, how are you?” (Moi, Mitä kuuluu?

”I’m just fine, how are you?” (Ihan hyvää, mitä sulle kuuluu?)

”I’m just fine”. (Ihan hyvää!)

I listened to this amused. That’s so typical habit opening a conversation but it’s also quite funny habit. I think that is such a meaningless sentence ”I’m just fine”. I mean really. It’s just a cliche what is said almost always (unless your loved one is dead or if you have just heard that you have a serious illness). It really doesn’t contain any real feeling (because it’s often said out of habit). So it does not tell what a person really feels. On the other hand, I do understand why this is used a lot. It’s a neutral saying. Maybe it’s a little too neutral for myself. It’s too qualityless. Even there is many sayings to express how you feel like ”nothing more stranger than misery”, ”same old”, ”nothing much”, ”nothing special”, ”could go better/worse”, still this ”I’m (just) fine” is the most established of all…but it’s the most neutral so that’s the reason for sure. Before this pandemic I used to answer to question how am I just simply: ”work”, cause I really had a lot of work to do by then. By now this saying is not working anymore…One of my acquaintance uses a great saying if you ask how he’s been. He always answer: ”Same shit, different day!” There is some kind of honest realism in this sentence that I like. After all, the days are usually a lot of the same repetition…

”Helistiina gave also other reasons to ”why not move back to the USA” such as health care and studying is too expensive, maternity leave too short, families are too conservative and not enough is recycled there but I was mainly interested of this fake smile theory and wanted to write about it so I won’t go into that video in more detail now. Anyway, I want you to know that Helistiina still enjoyed her time as an au pair and would not exchange it for any price. She liked her family and misses it often, but still wouldn’t move back.

Be well…and tell me how are you!

I hope honest answers… 


I have made promice to myself…to reduce sugar. I have decided that it is mostly weekends I give myself permission to indulge in sweet treats (especially candies should not be eaten during the week, they are so artificial). I made this decision because I’m eating way too much sweets. Everyday I eat something sweet even I know I shouldn’t.

Sugar is very addictive and specially in winter time (or in the cold weather that still continues here) you feel the need for that certainly due to lack of energy…so this is not going to be easy…
I just LOVE, LOVE, LOVE all kinds of delicates like schocolate, cookies, buns, candy, pudding, pies, cakes, ice cream, tarts, swiss rolls, pan cakes and so on…

It’s the everlasting love relationship. It’s kind of love you can’t resist…

Rats chose sugar before cocaine

Did you know that in some tests, rats chose sugar rather than cocaine? Yes, that’s right. So believe it or not sugar seems to be actually more addictive than drugs…but if you didn’t know it yet it really is poison to your body. Among other things, it maintains inflammatory conditions in your body. So do not do as I do, but do as I say AND STOPOR atleast REDUCE EATING SUGAR!If you don’t beleave me, then watch the video. There is very interesting stuff related to sweet eating. It has a much greater impact on us than we even realize!

So the question is are you the ones who think what they eat or do you eat according to your whims? I think I do both quite equally these days. It’s really important to think about what to put in your mouth. It has a big impact on us both mentally and physically. The quality of food even affects the bacterial population in our body. So do not just eat whatever you like, make a conscious choice instead!

Happy thursday everyone!


One should not be left wondering, or be left to lick ones fingers


We need more determined action

As much as I have praised and appreciated Finland and finnish, I have to say this corona situation could have been better managed. The virus is now spreading in Finland worse than ever before. We have had record high readings in recent days and a large proportion of the cases are already the British variant (once we let it spread here as well). Two different Finnish variants have already been found here too. I can’t help but wonder about this activity and our bureaucratic system. What we should absolutely have is a law that allows for the immediate introduction of agreed exceptional circumstances, if necessary. Now it seems that there is none, so decisions are progressing slowly and it will take days, if not weeks, to prepare them before they take effect. In the meantime, the corona situation is advancing. That virus is not waiting for us.

Measures (or planning for them) should have started early fall, with the onset of the second wave. Instead, what did we do then? We waited, we waited … and we waited …the situation could have already been overcome, or at least with better care, if we had acted faster.

We should take lessons from Australia, where one new case of corona was recently found. After that, the curfew came into force there. That’s the way to handle this! That’s the way to make sure the situation does not get out of hand! We don’t have time to wait!

the rate of vaccination is too slow

Nor have I been satisfied with our pace of vaccination (although I found an article that says we are ranked number one with Denmark (in Europe, I think).…but then again Lasse Lehtonen at Helsinki University Hospital HUS have said that if we continue at this pace, vaccine protection (70%) has not been achieved until the autumn of 2022. This was really crushing news and I think it is closer to the truth. Why in the world are we not negotiating a Sputnik vaccine with Russia if once through the EU we do not get vaccines fast enough. One should not be left wondering, or be left to lick ones fingers. Oh, but we can’t place orders past the EU…except that other countries have done that…This is no longer the small, safe Finland I was born in. That’s sad!

obsessive compulsive symptoms and mental health problems

I do not understand either how we have still not achieved, for example, a mask compulsion. Well, like I said the decision-making process is far too long here but there have been lot of time. This situation has continued for a year. Would think a year is enough to bring such an important law into force! However, it was decided to close the restaurants finally (after much deliberation)…but I’m afraid it’s too late already…

I also feel bad to watch TV shows (like Talent) where the audience sits fabric masks on their faces, side by side. Why are there no safety distances and / or better masks? After all, a fabric mask provides only 20% protection. No wonder the virus is spreading.

If I survive without a corona, mental health will go anyway, at least if this situation continues like this for a long time. I am already suffering from some degree of obsessive compulsive symptoms (such as the constant compelling need to wash hands). At least this doesn’t get any better. If you want to find something good about this, then it is this: I no longer tear my lips! It’s been my bad habit but now during the corona I have ended it because I don’t want to touch my lips (not even at home). Some say it’s hard not to touch their faces but to me it has gone firmly into the depths of consciousness. I don’t even do it by accident, especially outdoors…

in the grocery store … again

I would no longer want to go anywhere, not even to the grocery store. Last time I ordered food home, but still had to get nicotine (for my spouce), and at the same time I bought masks, a couple of beers, vitamin d, paper and chocolate (-there is always use for these-).

In Finland nicotine and beer cannot be ordered to home (don’t ask me why). So I went to the grocery store. I put another scarf on top of the mask for extra protection. Firstly I wondered why there were so much traffic on in the stairwell on monday morning before nine (I always try to leave so that there are no others in the staircase at the same time -and many in finland strive for it even before the corona…However, I was mainly afraid of the virus.) Anyway, there were someone in the staircase. When I saw him waiting for the elevator, I left myself to the staircase waiting for him to leave. I wondered if I was looking like some freak…

Well, I left and noticed soon that wasn’t like most monday mornings are: peacefull and quite nice. There were people much more than usually and that made me nervous! Again, there were coughers on the move. Just before I went to the store, someone came in front of the door to make a call and while I was wondered should I walk past her to store and decided to do that, she -ofcource- coughed in front of me. (Should have circled the other side and entered through it). Well, there were maybe 5 meters between us but now there’s those variants, I’m more skeptical is it enough.

Anyway, there were more people in the store than usual (taking into account the time). I was as fast as I could and went to checkout. Of course some construction worker came right after me. Usually I try to get around the construction workers from afar (they have been diagnosed with a lot of infections) but naturally I couldn’t do it on checkout line. He also received a call. I turned in the opposite direction so that I don’t get drops on my face at least. Luckily he didn’t talk a long time and then I had to pay my shopping…When I came back home I realized the reason of the traffic. I saw a moving van in front of our house…

Well, there is no choice but to try to somehow cope…

As Dave Lindholm sings in his song, ”How the Night Went Away”

”endure this night, then you will endure tomorrow and the day after tomorrow”